I complain

I like to complain-
to myself.
I tend not to complain at work
or with friends when we visit...rarely anyway. For that would make me seem-
Negative.
And that would be unthinkable.
Oh but I make up for it in my heart.
Yes I do.
A lot.

Why this...God?
Why that....God?
Why now...God?
Why not...God?
I rage and I spit out my disgust.

I try to be thankful,
I honestly do...
but I hardly skim the surface of gratitude.
I neglect to acknowledge the abundance and goodness that my life overflows.
I neglect to show love and concern,
where so many in my life are in need.
By complaining, I become blind.
My sight is lost.

There is work to be done to improve my outlook and vision.
Work and study that has long been left and ignored.
I don't like to change or work at my attitude.
A heart of dissatisfaction is easier.

Yet I sorrow for my blindness...for not seeing the hurt in my dear friends and family. For not being present.
I sorrow for the friend I should and COULD be.
Instead of complain I want to proclaim
HIS goodness and faithfulness.
And see less of myself and more of others.
I pray.