prayer for life

Don't ever underestimate the power of prayer.
for when what you fear actually happens and becomes your new reality...
when they sit you down to say "i'm sorry he passed away" in the emergency room,
you keep breathing.
in moments when you feel sick to your stomach from grief and bewilderment.
you are carried.
you are steadied.
you are guided.


The pain is not removed. The situation does not change.
Yet you take steps, make sentences, laugh at memories, eat and sleep.
You continue.

Blog to Book

Bloom: Finding beauty in the unexpected.

by Kelle Hampton

Finding beauty in the unexpected.
Safe to say...not something that comes easily or naturally for any of us.
We plan for life events. We prepare for life events. Thus we have expectations for life events.

If I go to university, I will find work.
If I marry, we will be happy and get along forever.
When I marry, I will have children. I will get pregnant easily. Our baby will be born alive. Our baby will be born healthy.
etc.
Of course we want those things! rightfully so!!
And we can't prepare for, or dwell on the fact that all our fears may become reality.

Instead we can learn from people like Kelle, that "the unexpected" in life can be beautiful...
that stigma's are rampant and damaging,
that life with a child with special needs isn't hopeless or full of shame,
that reaching out and sharing your story is life giving.
Bloom. Even the title speaks of hope!
Can't wait to read it.

kelle's blog: Enjoying the small things.

today

do you feel overwhelmed today?

do your life circumstances stretch out bleak before you?

are you disappointed in yourself? did you handle a situation poorly?

i wish i could share a cup of coffee with you and listen to your story;
for i'm sure you have many incredible things to talk about and share.

for now, i pray you will encounter something in your day (whether a smile, a laugh, a cup of coffee, a letter in the mail, a song, or a kind word...) that brings some respite to your weariness.
you deserve that my friend.

family

My dad sent me this photograph.
I noticed it in the family history book that he recently wrote,
and I wanted a copy of my own.
A picture of my Grandmother,
or as we were accustomed to calling her..."Großmama" (say Geh ros -ma ma)
in 1942.
My mother's mother.

She and my Großpapa were immigrants from Prussia (now ukraine).
This was their 1st farm in Canada.
The Alberta prairie.
They came into this new country with one baby (my aunt Margaret).
And then had 10 more:
David, Dorothy, Bernard, Erwin, Helen, Edward, Rudolf, Rae, Eric and Gertrude.
My uncle Dave was 18 years old when my mom was born.

It looks like there is snow on the ground in the photograph.
No time for Grandma to put on a jacket I guess...
I wonder what she is hanging on the wash line.
nightgowns? shirts?

I remember my Großmama's hair.
Her long white braid, pinned up into a bun.
(Just like she wore it back in 1942.)
I remember her dresses. She liked to wear brooches.
I remember her calling my mom, "Trud-dah".
I remember her baking buns.
I remember Klassen Christmas gatherings with a house full of people
and always lots of singing.
In German.

I know that my beautiful Großmama worked very hard and put up with a lot....
I know that she did her best.

remember

i have never bought a card for myself before.
(have you?)
i decided to purchase a befitting one as a "gift to myself".
although initially it felt a bit odd.

i buy myself special coffees, clothes (sometimes) and books,
just as a treat..so why not a card?
i promised myself that every year in May
i'd buy something small-
a little memento,
a little gift to be tucked away.
to represent.

its not that i really need a reminder of the pain from that
day in may so long ago.
yet i want the anniversary of my miscarriage to remain
a part of me.
we talk about the baby once in awhile as a family.
and kent will never forget.
but i need to revisit this alone as well.

So buying the card is my private/public acknowledgment
of something very significant.
(no, i'm not going to write in it...although i guess i could)

Do you also collect things to remember? have a significant place (street, coffee shop, tree) that is symbolic? maybe you have a special song(s) that serve to remind... or you have a picture placed somewhere you'll always see it?
(This friend, and this friend also remember someone dear and very loved.)

Bless you as you carry those memories close to your heart.

"Memory....is the diary that we all carry about with us."

Oscar Wilde