First. before all else.

      *hi. i've added some scripture to the post (since i last published it), to provide Biblical references. I didn't come up with those qualities of God on my own! There is proof in His word. I am guilty of saying that I believe much of God's truth's, but in many ways my heart is so weak I don't allow myself to live as though I believe. I desperately want to "claim" them- but I'm realizing there is first much that I must stop and let go of. Humbling. I am seeking His help in all of this. 
Hope it makes sense. 
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:5-6

ok. got it.
Believe in God. let him know about my plans. Ask him to help me with them.
here goes.

Dear God,
I'm struggling with ............ . 
Why do we have such different opinions?  
I bought these DVD's to watch and learn TOGETHER.
I read every article I could get my hands on about.......... .
I try so very hard to be patient with ...................... .
We've talked to this counsellor. Why isn't ................... changing?
why am I not changing?
Do I keep working at ........................ ? Should I push this more?
I've printed off every single graph and chart that I could find but still, ......... isn't working.
why aren't you changing this messiness? why can't you give me SOME peace with ............... 
I trust you know what's best, but why am I still so fearful and confused?
Stop trying to figure this out by yourself and asking me to help with your plans and ideas. {Jeremiah 12:11}
Stop worrying. 
yes, yes, i know. you care about the birds and the flowers. etc. somehow i can't apply that promise to ME. i don't know how NOT to worry. that's impossible. {Matthew 6:34}
Stop worrying. 
i've always worried about everything. Running plans and options through my head constantly. Plan A, Plan B. talk to this person, figure this out. 
Stop. Ask me to help you but talk to me more than absently putting your thoughts together in a million muddled worries. Stop doing that. It takes away the ability for you to have faith. {Hebrews 11} 
But I'm taking care of my family. my ...... . my............... I holding everything together.
Try to think about what trust really means. Try to understand that no matter what happens in life, no matter what you try to fix, no matter how much you want others to change....you are powerless in comparison to me.  I am POWERFUL. {Ps. 90:1-6} I am HOLY. I am GOD. 
i know that.
Do you?
i've known it all my life! Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus....sang that in Sunday school when I was 5. I love you and I need you. I'm thankful for Jesus for grace and for forgiveness.
yes. but do you fully grasp that I rule the universe? That I created the WORLD? I am the Alpha and the Omega, the BEGINNING and the END {Rev. 1:8}.  I give you breath {Job 33:4}.  Read Jeremiah 10:12. Think about it every day, every moment that you need to be reminded of my power. Whenever you start to try to do it all. I am here for you. I will take care of you.
And let go of your own desire for power.
I can't.
Stop thinking and planning. Stop taking up your day figuring things out.
Let go. Read through my word. even if it doesn't make sense to you. Read through my word.
Replace your "to do" lists, your plans to improve your relationships and spend with time in the bible. {Psalm 119:105}
Obey? I'm an adult!
Obey my commands. {John 14:15}
Who is going to take care of me and fill me with the acceptance and fulfillment I need to be connected to society. To survive in this world?
I will.
but you are invisible. i am a "visual learner!!" i need people in my life to help me make sense of this.
I give you people. But you are to seek me FIRST. You are to love me more than the one you are closest to. You are to love me more than your husband.
um. ok?
You are to LOVE me more than your husband.
yes, ok. but how do I DO that exactly? I'm a housewife.  My days are full "loving" my family, ensuring everyone is cared for. i'm supposed to show even MORE love to you? how? i can't go on a spiritual retreat every other weekend! how does that work?
I AM love {1 John 4:8}. I am the one who gives you the spirit of love, so THAT you can pour out onto others. Onto your husband. You can't love anyone in your life without me. Have faith that I loved you first. Trust me. You will learn and understand more and more over time. But you will never fully know or understand {Ecc. 3:11}.  So don't get frustrated with yourself if it is hard to grasp. That's where faith comes in. 
So..... if trust means to STOP, does it also mean to.... wait. ?
Yes. wait on ME. I have your VERY best in mind.
Trust means to stop relying on my weakness to get by?
Its hard when I have answers at my finger tips on google you know? Yahoo.... etc.  I can also sign out and buy books, I can watch advice-filled DVD's. I have so many tips and problem solving advice at my disposal. You mean to say that I can't seek other counsel?
Put me first. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33.
sounds familiar. I think we sang a song about that one too.
Strive to understand what I mean by faith and trust. Read the Old testament to see how David trusted me {1 Samuel, 2 Samuel and 1 Kings}.  Study the life of Paul, my servant, and look for ways he put me first and survived life's hardships {Acts and Galations-and he wrote many of the books in the New Testament.}.
I have trust issues.
I know.
I like to take care of myself.
I know.
I don't like uncertainty. 
I know.
I don't like my life being so complicated and so difficult.
I know. Can't you see then how MUCH you need me? {Psalm 34:18} If your life was easy and predictable. If your marriage was perfect, your health was perfect and your children were perfect....would you seek me, trust me, love me?
I loved you first {I John 4:19}.  Let the truth of that set you free {John 8:32}.  

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