"Does this look o.k.?", is code in our marriage for, "I need you you compliment me...NOW". And, "I didn't have time to exercise today.." is actually code for, "I am feeling down about my body, so tell me it's o.k that I'm avoiding the treadmill."
Yesterday, on the way to a wedding, I asked Kent whether or not he liked my dress (that's not code for anything). Unfortunately it was the 3rd time in the span of an hour and a half! I had received a, "You look great" compliment after each inquiry; he wasn't laughing, smirking, or making a pained facial expression when he said it, so why did I feel the need to pester and doubt his answer?
(hmmm.....how much TIME do we have??).
Without analyzing my NEED for reassurance, I will simply suggest that my neurotic badgering was code for, "even though I know you are SUPPOSED to say that I look nice, dear husband, do you really THINK that i look nice?"
Man, I hate it when i feel desperate like that!!
When I practically strangle a compliment out him.
What was I expecting in this case?
That Kent was going to surprise me with a completely different kind of answer the 5th time around??
"Darling, your dress is so magnificent I haven't been able to think of anything else since you first put it on. Even though I'm listening to the blaring CJOB Sports Report, your DRESS is all I care about... Lets focus our attention right now on how wonderful you look!"
blah, blah, blah, blah...
Kent would never say that (nor would i expect him too!).
Hey, I'm just really grateful that he doesn't get annoyed when I'm insecure (too bad i have no tolerance for when he asks me about his hair). And I'm happy to report that its not terribly common for me to do the whole sad, "tell me I'm beautiful" routine with him anymore. Just once in awhile.
I'm figuring out a way to provide my OWN validation, which in the long run is far more effective (and doesn't involve badgering, pestering or strangling). When I'm in public, I try to smile. I attempt a pleasant expression. Some days that takes work. Actually, lets be honest...most days it takes a conscientious effort...but it seems to pay off. Our faces look so much softer and appealing when we are happy! Right? In fact, I'd say its code for: "I'm a warm and inviting person, Come talk to me! ....and p.s. could you tell me if my dress looks nice?".
Yesterday, on the way to a wedding, I asked Kent whether or not he liked my dress (that's not code for anything). Unfortunately it was the 3rd time in the span of an hour and a half! I had received a, "You look great" compliment after each inquiry; he wasn't laughing, smirking, or making a pained facial expression when he said it, so why did I feel the need to pester and doubt his answer?
(hmmm.....how much TIME do we have??).
Without analyzing my NEED for reassurance, I will simply suggest that my neurotic badgering was code for, "even though I know you are SUPPOSED to say that I look nice, dear husband, do you really THINK that i look nice?"
Man, I hate it when i feel desperate like that!!
When I practically strangle a compliment out him.
What was I expecting in this case?
That Kent was going to surprise me with a completely different kind of answer the 5th time around??
"Darling, your dress is so magnificent I haven't been able to think of anything else since you first put it on. Even though I'm listening to the blaring CJOB Sports Report, your DRESS is all I care about... Lets focus our attention right now on how wonderful you look!"
blah, blah, blah, blah...
Kent would never say that (nor would i expect him too!).
Hey, I'm just really grateful that he doesn't get annoyed when I'm insecure (too bad i have no tolerance for when he asks me about his hair). And I'm happy to report that its not terribly common for me to do the whole sad, "tell me I'm beautiful" routine with him anymore. Just once in awhile.
I'm figuring out a way to provide my OWN validation, which in the long run is far more effective (and doesn't involve badgering, pestering or strangling). When I'm in public, I try to smile. I attempt a pleasant expression. Some days that takes work. Actually, lets be honest...most days it takes a conscientious effort...but it seems to pay off. Our faces look so much softer and appealing when we are happy! Right? In fact, I'd say its code for: "I'm a warm and inviting person, Come talk to me! ....and p.s. could you tell me if my dress looks nice?".
2 comments:
the "imaginary" response from Kent made me laugh out loud! if only, right? :)
I love how every couple has their own codes.....
one of our most used is:
"I feel really edgy" which is code for "I'm going to combust momentarily unless you do everything in your power to make EVERYTHING go my way for the next lengthy period of time."
Karla
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