I had a job once where I facilitated and taught inservices to nursing home staff.
I had a job once where I organized a volunteer program.
I had a job once where my opinion was requested by specialists.
I had a job once where my name and credentials where written on an office door.
I had a job once where I carried files in a leather bag for manager-meetings across the city.
I had a job once where I fired, hired and lead a group of my own staff.

I was financially set.
I was very proud of my work.
I worked with amazing people.
I did not find happiness in achieving my professional goals.
that was a great surprise to me.

The positions I was granted after graduation were never mine to keep.
University doesn't teach you how to balance your personal life with your professional life.
I couldn't handle the pressure of giving my attention and care intensely for the day, and then
going home to more pressure and neediness.
I discovered over the years that i couldn't handle the constant pressure of families to do more;
wanting me to "help Dad be more active", "teach auntie millie  to stop hitting", or to "get mother out of her room to socialize."
I couldn't handle the pressure of hiring staff and then being told I had chosen poorly by the Director...(more than once).
I couldn't handle the pressure of starting a volunteer program from the ground up.

I couldn't handle anything in the end.
I desperately wanted to handle it. I loved my jobs.
I really loved them.
But loving your job doesn't always suffice if you are emotionally exhausted.
or not tough enough. or depressed.

I now work at a job where instead of being paged, someone hollers my name from the till.
I now work at a job where my credentials are null and void, and the cards that I hand out are the gold crown variety that people pay for.
I now work at a job where i attend staff meetings to discuss up-selling easter chickens that lay eggs, as opposed to debriefing with doctors about the recent death of a long term resident.
I do not wear clothes to work that "command attention".
I do not have to worry about appearing prepared, professional or looking "successful",(other than wearing clothes that aren't stained).
I now work at a job where my only calls are to customers to tell them their Dickens Village ornament has arrived....

I am happier now at work than I have been for a very long time.
I love what I do.
I don't feel pressure.
I don't feel inadequate.
I don't feel judged.
I don't feel stressed.
I don't feel anxious before or after work.
I am happy.
I am at peace.
I am thankful.


Carolyn said...

I LOVE this Christine!! I feel like I could post something so similar in terms of what my job/career/responsibilities were and though I don't yet know what the second half of my blog post will be, I'm looking forward to a job where I'm not judged, there's no pressure and I'm happy. . .
Thanks so much for sharing today =)

ashleymarie said...

that is so good Christine. and I know what you mean.
That's the same type of pressure I felt as I was getting into Music Therapy, and my job now, where I'm "just a secretary" (as some people would say and have said to me) I am completely happy. I'm glad you found a job that allows you to just enjoy each day! :)

Angeline Schellenberg said...

I feel the same way about going from teaching college to editing obituaries and writing poetry (except that I wasn't financially set and I didn't command respect from the freshmen, and I think I actually dress better now - not because I have to, but because my fashion sense has improved). I get asked why I'm not using my seminary degree anymore, and told that obituaries are a waste of my skills, but I don't care. I'm happy! And I'm glad you're happy too!

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