ironic

I had a job once where I facilitated and taught inservices to nursing home staff.
I had a job once where I organized a volunteer program.
I had a job once where my opinion was requested by specialists.
I had a job once where my name and credentials where written on an office door.
I had a job once where I carried files in a leather bag for manager-meetings across the city.
I had a job once where I fired, hired and lead a group of my own staff.

I was financially set.
I was very proud of my work.
I worked with amazing people.
However,
I did not find happiness in achieving my professional goals.
that was a great surprise to me.

The positions I was granted after graduation were never mine to keep.
University doesn't teach you how to balance your personal life with your professional life.

I couldn't handle the pressure of giving my attention and care intensely for the day, and then

going home to more pressure and neediness.
I discovered over the years that i couldn't handle the constant pressure of families to do more;
wanting me to "help Dad be more active", "teach auntie millie  to stop hitting", or to "get mother out of her room to socialize."
I couldn't handle the pressure of hiring staff and then being told I had chosen poorly by the Director...(more than once).
I couldn't handle the pressure of starting a volunteer program from the ground up.

I couldn't handle anything in the end.
I desperately wanted to handle it. I loved my jobs.
I really loved them.
But loving your job doesn't always suffice if you are emotionally exhausted.
or not tough enough. or depressed.

I now work at a job where instead of being paged, someone hollers my name from the till.
I now work at a job where my credentials are null and void, and the cards that I hand out are the gold crown variety that people pay for.
I now work at a job where i attend staff meetings to discuss up-selling easter chickens that lay eggs, as opposed to debriefing with doctors about the recent death of a long term resident.
I do not wear clothes to work that "command attention".
I do not have to worry about appearing prepared, professional or looking "successful",(other than wearing clothes that aren't stained).
I now work at a job where my only calls are to customers to tell them their Dickens Village ornament has arrived....


I am happier now at work than I have been for a very long time.
I love what I do.
I don't feel pressure.
I don't feel inadequate.
I don't feel judged.
I don't feel stressed.
I don't feel anxious before or after work.
I am happy.
I am at peace.
I am thankful.