to (NOT) do list

My doctor has informed me that the following projects are dangerous for my mental health and stability.  I must stay away from putting paper in blenders, rolling up iddy biddy pieces of magazines and assembling miniature fairy gardens.  Good thing he told me. I'd have started each one for sure.

~ making handmade paper.

~creating a potted miniature garden

~ painting wallpaper and stenciling walls

~recycling magazines into a garbage can

~making a ping-pong lamp shade

How many ping-pong balls are there? and would each one need to be painted?

road trip anyone?

Local gals...

M.C.C. thrift store outing.

let's plan one, shall we?

Here's what i've thought through so far....

 a saturday in the near future.

Steinbach, Manitoba

Jam-packed itinerary, including:

MCC

and

Lunch

or 

Lunch

and

MCC

whatcha think?! too many choices?

Date:

Who would consider coming along 

(I'd take my vehicle)

on Saturday, May 19th?

a picture of worth

In true CHRISTINE style, I added more to my post to get my point across. 
you're welcome.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
there are times  i'll skip past reading and checking out a new blog because the writers picture looks too perfect.
(wait 5 seconds)
whaaattt??......
Eiye, I am but a fragile female... (read with a Scottish accent, don't ask why).

Yes, a brief glimpse and....  click .....the blog disappears.  
too pretty, too skinny, too successful looking, too glamorous...not worth my emotional time.
Or rather, i don't (in that moment), have the heart or strength to read on, because my thoughts are:  insecure. sad. fragile. (eiye)
that girl looks too perfect to have experienced anything short of success and applause. OR. i'm not half as put- together...i'll just feel worse after reading this. so...

I SHOULDN'T BE READING ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET WHEN I"M FEELING THIS WAY.
TRUTH BE TOLD

 She will make me feel bad.
Insecurities stop!!!
Why am I so quick to make those connections between beauty and success? yes, yes...its the society that we live and breathe in...the culture that we make decisions in...the marketing, media mayhem that projects the wealthy, thin and stylish as the most deserving and THE BEST!
SUCH A LIE.
Such a cruel, cruel lie.
But one that can easily be bought into when our resolve is weak and we are already feeling low.

I do become downcast about the successful and elevated pretty folks, but immediately thereafter I also get mad. frustrated. and fed up. Those incredible success stories we read about...talented and gifted anonymous regular joes (i.e. average weight- overweight, average hair) are discovered and make it to the big leagues. Yay!! We all cheer for the underdog!! But then 1 month later we see him/her on the cover of People magazine, 45 lbs lighter with a "whole new look". No longer average looking.  Ok i get it, now there is money where money wasn't before so wishes are granted and some changes are made. but the weight? Is that NECESSARY? Does this Joe/Jane, average human, made mega-star feel that the world will not take them seriously if they are overweight?
Answer: yes.
I hate that.
HATE IT.

so you can imagine how thrilled i was to find this post.
This woman is taking the kind of stand that I love and long to see!!!!

This is another great"hello!!" reminder for me to stop comparing myself to anyone on the Internet.
and be aware of the kind of unhealthy and damaging assumptions i subconsciously make.
I'm so grateful to see that Erin was not afraid to "hide" anymore. No one must feel they need to conform to societies pressure of looking a certain way to be taken seriously. no one must. we have a choice.
people like Erin help me make that choice.

remedy

what do you do when your day looms over you with inadequacy and fear?
sing? sleep? walk? smoke????
what do you DO to find some respite from your fuzzy thoughts and frustrating fatigue?
order something on-line? drink coffee in your backyard?
seriously, i'm curious.
tell me, is there anything that CAN be done?
besides the usual...going to your doctor,  taking medication, resting, going for counseling, exercising and crocheting miniature doilies.
perhaps you just wait it out, praying for the morning to bring strength.

a friend i've made through mutual friends and connections, shared with me during one visit that her Dad struggles with depression. I was very touched that she felt safe and open to share that with me.
she said that one way he had learned to cope with the disease was to memorize scripture.
he would lie in bed, or go about his day reciting his favourite verses over and over, again.
that helped him.

today i feel so frustrated and agitated. so full of fear.
i tossed and turned in bed this afternoon, not finding peace.
i sensed despair seeping up and threatening to cover me...
it scares me.
so i texted a friend, i emailed another friend,
i drove to the dollarstore for my trusty XXXXL ziplock bags (they were out).
and I read this.

i hope you have a place of shelter today.

trick-y question

there are days when I have to WILL myself to open my mouth to brush my teeth.
there are days when the bathrooms are dirty but the thought of cleaning them doesn't even occur to me.
there are days when the thought of stripping down to nothing and having a shower seems impossible.
there are days when driving to the school at noon so my daughter has her own version of a "hot lunch"
overwhelms me.
there are days when our fridge is bare and we need food, but I have wait to make the shopping list until I feel "ready".
there are days when I change all the bedding and wait for some sort of applause.

there are days when I wonder how much is the depression, and how much is laziness?

temporary home

I drive by the "construction site" of our new house as much as possible.
not every day. but at least once a week.
I feel so incredibly grateful that this whole process is coming to an end.
we will soon close the seemingly long chapter of our lives called:
"The Rygiels decide to Move".

Watching the house take shape over the last few weeks,
has actually made me think quite a bit about heaven.
??
no, this home will not in any way resemble a mansion.
...Bare with me here.

I  can tell by the number of trucks in our mud-packed "front yard",
that there is a large crew working to get the house built.
Guys with hard hats lifting lumber through the front door,
banging on the roof to secure shingles,
and meticulously installing glass windows.
Step by step, the house nears completion.
Slowly, over time, the preparations and careful workmanship
of many hands, transform an empty lot into a safe and livable dwelling.

After Jesus had risen victorious from the dead,
right before He was miraculously lifted back up into heaven,...
he gave comfort to his disciples by saying, "I will go and prepare
a place for you."  John 13:3
I will go and PREPARE a place for YOU.
The New living translation says-
"When everything is ready, I will come and get you. 
 So that you will always be with me where I am." John 14:3.
What is he preparing for us?
Paradise. Man, I know heaven is a million times more incredible than ANYTHING here on earth.
I feel so excited about that, and so RELIEVED.

I am happy that we were able to decide on a new place to live.
I am thankful that we have security to live in a home.
I am thankful that both Kent and I have jobs.
I do NOT  take that for granted.
And yet, i am also thankful that this life is only temporary.
There is life after death.
This home on earth will provide shelter, and a place for our family to build memories;
however it doesn't mean everything to me.
I am not consumed by it.

Instead I'm trying to remember that houses are not meant or built to last forever.
They will crumble, grow mold, get cracks, need repairs, have stains,
holes and disintegrate eventually, no matter how old or new they are.
Even Solomon's temple and Jerusalem's walls fell prey to human hands
and earthly elements.
Our heavenly home, on the other hand... will last forever!!
Jesus has gone ahead and prepared a glorious eternal dwelling.
What an incredible and comforting promise.

¹ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God^[a]; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 13"1-4. (NIV)